I tried so hard to figure out the problem. And you keep asking me to forget. I shall know what you mean. I knew but i avoid. I dont want that to happen. I keep telling myself maybe one day or just one moment. One milli second you can think back and feel regret letting go, and telling me lets forget the past. Like you always said.
And i can continue behave like the dumbest person in the world in front of you. There is too much things i planned but didnt get to do. I knew my problem. I knew you are tired of explaining and forgiving.
But why cant this be the very last time to try. Been through so much. We forgave once and once. So this be the very last chance cant we? Even if its still hurt, is also once. The last one. Four months. Its been four months thinking non stop. Tent to make it back to normal. Tried so hard to make things alright. But no, it doesnt work at all.
Instead, i made myself look so so irritated. I started to hate myself. Keep asking myself if it worth. Im still having the same answer. That time i walk back home with someone, he asked me a question. I was so brave that time, i said no. I dont care about him anymore. And I said I gonna look for a better one. And tell him to feel regret. Look what Im doing now. Find you again to prove that you're still the best?
You gonna be at your ns for three months. I wonder. Will you think back anything? Or you hate all those memories. I stare at our only picture. And i started to regret. Why didnt we take lotsa pictures back then. Why i said no when you requested. Im too stupid to learn things out. You tried so hard to keep memories. And i tried so hard to ruin your memories.
Yea. Just because Im afraid to let you know that was my first time to couple. First time to being sweet with a guy. First time to behave as a gf. And all this first time, i got my first ending. I was such a coward.
I wish you were super ba dao. So that everything that i dont dare to do, you will be super ba dao and just show me the way. Or just grab me into your arm and say try to say no again. I always expect the novel scene to happen. Too dramatic.
And then i lost what is really important. Face problem and you, why cant i differentiate the level of important at the beginning. When you say I love you face to face, yes i always wants you to say so. You look at me with that excited face. I wanna say i love you too. But i feel shy. Again. Why dont you slap me that time.
I promised so much and i didnt do. Now i wanna do and i have no one to do it with anymore. Ppl always say, dont ever tell anyone you can die for that person, so fake. But no, if you can really feel that feeling, its not fake, its too real until it became that way. We might not do it, but can feel it.
Still remember that time when i said o and ab blood type perfect match and you asked if i believe in those things. Ha ha. Dear, you are wrong. I dont believe it. I only believe when they said we are perfect. When they say all good things about us. Cuz i really love you, so no matter those thing is real or fake, Ill still follow my heart.
I asked you why you like me back then, and you cant answer. You said really really love but dont know how to explain. Now i get you, yes. That is the meaning. If can explain then thats just admire. You just feel like protecting that very important person. No matter you have or not have the power to protect her/him.
Taking these months to think back, read back, cry back, regret and all. If love exists, there is always not too late. I hurt you once before. Telling you i cant give up on someone. I apologize cuz i lie to you. I apologize to him too cuz i used him.
He is always always my very best bro, buddy. He understand how i feel and always the one that cheer me up. So, i didnt even like him that time. Telling you so is because i have no guts to be with you.
When i knew you are such a smart dude, having tons of friends. So so not match you know. I still feel like a dream. To me, yes. You was a dream of mine. Then just three days, three days without you, i can feel my heart dripping. So hurt. Now you know the reason. I hope you dont get pissed. Or maybe you dont feel a thing now.
I find lotsa way. Youtube search google search how to get you back. Feeling so dumb cuz i did all those ways that are not suppose to do. Disturbing you. Texting you. All i did. Thats what human usually does, not?
They taught to not talking to you, ignore you make you feel Im wanted already. No. Thats lying. I dont wanna do it anymore. That lie hurt you once before, not a second time. Ill feel guilty ttm. I wonder if you will read this.
Well, if you did, i hope i hope you will forget everything and start all over again like back then. I knew Im not a perfect girl to you. I always knew it. I knew its stupid to do so, but i did. So, can you not say sorry anymore and tell me a yes this time?
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