Flipping

Its been awhile since I last logged in to this blog. It wasnt dead, i just dont have the guts to turn it on. My fingers seem to be so heavy when Im pressing the blogger button.

AUGUST.
Lemme recall what happened last year. Oh we used to argue. For stupid reasons. No Im sorry. I shall said, I used to get angry with tiny little problems. Why and how it happens? I really dont understand. Why cant I stop guessing this and that. Why was I so immature?

Decided to write a post today because two days ago. A friend of mine told me
"you can choose to live happily or sad. Thats all your choice."

For that one moment, my over thinking mind started to function, again. I wonder, why? Why i chose to be sad. Why I didnt choose to be happy. Then I realized I still dont wanna accept the facts that you're gone. Im still hoping a little. Still believe in faith. In miracle.

I told my friend, Ill be the happiest girl on my birthday. Without you, I can still enjoy. And thats what he said, do you know whats act? Yeah. I know. But i dont know, if Im acting. I dont know, am I acting to be happy all this while. I still think about you.

I tried so hard to stay away from our memories. Deleted your pictures. Deleted your convo. But i still cant forget about you. Because my stupidity forever reminding me to check out your acc. I unfollowed you. I thought that shows how much I hate you. Who am I trying to lie to? Myself I guess.

Teach me what to do?
Im still missing you...