Things I should explain but no.

I tend to have more thoughts when comes to study time. It's really not what I should behave but well, I can't help it. Really can't wait until graduation, I'm already losing my passion in study. Head's always messy. Tonight I might be cheering myself that everything's going to be alright, but tomorrow I might find my life so miserable. Yeah, I'm basically rolling myself up in the bed rn and wondering why am I so dumb to think of if I would ever hurt anyone. Nobody cares if they hurt me too, did they? I doubt so. I remember you told me

"Let them be the way they are, if they care, they will be there for you, you don't have to feel sad over people's that hurt you, they're losing a gem and you're just throwing away a rock."

This is like the one thing I can never learn. I often get depressed when people don't appreciate what I've done, I felt sad when they just left out of no where. To me, everyone that comes into my life for more than a day and I'll take them as one of my precious. But of course I got to have good impression towards them. I'll feel sad if they were to leave. You know, I really miss hanging out with limay and peiqi. I miss hanging out with you and your bunch too. You guys gave me beautiful memories that I can reminiscence for a life time. Sometimes I wonder, do I really miss you or just the favourite memories we got for each other. But then I got the urge to meet you, to clear things out. Will I still hop into your arm and never wanna let go? Sometimes 3 years can make a person's feeling change. I'm afraid that the feelings are getting lesser, that will make us nobody to each other anymore.

I know jianhong told you that I waited for you for three years, but that's not important you know. What's important is what's in your heart. I obviously didn't want my existence to make you feel bad over what happened before. I get worried when jh told me that, he's stressing you out did he? That's why I never ever talk to you about us since I told you we should just be friend. Nobody knows I was the one that hurt you first, nobody knows I was the one to ask for break. Everyone thinks you're bad and when I'm trying to help you explain that makes you even worse. And slowly then, when they asked me about you, I'll just be like, he's my greatest present and hardest goodbye. We hurt each other, and that's what make us grow.