Heading Back to Reality

I should say it's another ordinary night because my ordinary actually means I'm missing you, again. Lol this blog has been filled up with missing you essays. What makes me blog today is because I bumped into your dad and elder sister yesterday. And I knew today is your elder sister' s birthday. Maybe you don't remember, but I do. Once you told me, they will be my family, too, like soon. I believed that and I still freaking remember the details. Obviously I didn't expect breaking up with you is even more sooner than they became part of my life.

Okay, so just let me rephrase back what happened yesterday right after I touched down in Subang. It was pretty funny yet I should say is more to weird because law of attraction is happening on me. Dad stopped by his car at the petrol station nearby your housing area, it still makes sense because we passed by your place everytime I came back from johor. I was in the car and wondering if I would be able to meet you or at least your family. So I gone into a spy and start observing the cars around me, looking for your cars. Lol reality hits me back and I knew it's kinda impossible, the chances is less than winning a lottery. Just right when I gave up on my fairytales thought a car stopped next to mine, a purple myvi. Thank god I wasn't drinking my water otherwise I'll just split on mom's face. I saw your dad and sis inside the car and first thing that came into my mind was, WTFF(WHATTHEFLYINGFROG).

Gdi, I shall really start believing the law of attraction, it really does happened. I stunned for a few sec and start laughing like a mad woman mom and dad thought I'm not fine but it's actually the opposite site LOL. Okay okay back to topic, actually it doesn't really push me up, my mood I mean. I start my irritating overthinking skills again and again since yesterday. I kept thinking maybe we didn't mean to end yet?

Lemme tell you what, during the journey back to kl, I told myself to be strong and give up hope on us. Like so serious that I warn myself to be a better person or else I'm just gonna hang there doing nothing when you tried so hard to improve. Until I bumped into your family members I start questioning myself again, do we really ended or what. If we ended, why everytime that I want to give up something that relates to you just trying to bring me back to you. Maybe you don't believe and still thinking I'm immature like back then.

Pfft. Only God knows why I tried so hard to keep us. I really don't agree that I'm strong enough to handle all this, I know I have to be strong but I'm so tired, so so tired that I wish I can just lay on your shoulder having you to tell me, you're here, don't worry. I really wish things can be less complicated and might as well just let us get back together and stop hurting me invisibly. I get enough of hurt, enough of tears, enough of being alone, enough of you not there with me anymore. I just, miss you so badly.